That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
