also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
