You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
