I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
