he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
