There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want nice things and good sex
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
