I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
