we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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