so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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