So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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