Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
