Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm always down for nudity.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
