sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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