She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize