god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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