Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is Oprah even human
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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