I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
