I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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