sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
