is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
