take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
