You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
