In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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