Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
