Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i believe in u and ur pee
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
