ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
