I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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