WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
