I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
