Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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