I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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