i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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