I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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