that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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