I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
