thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
NoShamevember. You game?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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