I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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