a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
