Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
barbara walters just said penis...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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