My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
