Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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