Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
