I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
