quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Randomize
