I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
