She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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