..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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