just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
