You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We need to get me chipped asap
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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