It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im part way to drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
