ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
