I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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