One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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