the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
