Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
