just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
